Changes

For a long time I’ve felt like it was too late for me to change the kind of person I am. I may only be 26 years old (going on 27) but I felt like… I knew who I was and while I didn’t like it, there was nothing I could do to change it. I felt resigned to this version of myself that I hated, that made me feel guilty, tired, and hopeless.

I don’t think that anymore.

The past 50 days I’ve changed so much about my life. I’ve stopped eating fast food and stopped drinking pop. I got myself a fitbit and I’ve started tracking my movement, food intake, and sleep patterns. I’ve cleaned my entire apartment, and KEPT it clean. I’ve taken it upon myself to get out more, I went on a nature walk with my camera and took photos of nice things. I started a podcast with some friends about my favorite television show.

I’ve done so much in just 50 days, and I’ve never felt more proud of myself. Every day, I’m learning new things to cook, new ways to cook them, I’m burning food, and rightfully feeling disappointed but not letting it discourage me. I’ve met my daily step goal two days in a row now (I’ve only had my fitbit for a week haha) and I just… I’m happy.

It’s been a while, and I still have a long ways to go. I have at least 40 pounds to lose, I have a food palette to widen, I have to keep my apartment clean, and after summer is over I’ll have to do all of that PLUS balance a full schoolwork load.

But for the first time, I’m not scared of failing. If the past 50 days have shown me anything it’s that I am not weak, I have will power, and I can do it. Things aren’t going to be easy, but it IS possible. I can do it.

30 Days.

Addictions are hard, man… any and all types. It bugs me that people don’t see fast food/junk food/pop as things that have the ability to be addicting. People can genuinely get addicted to anything. I’ve been struggling a long time with food and eating. I am not the most skilled cook (to say the LEAST) and i rely of the fattiest foods for sustenance because they are cheap and easy. After a while it’s hard to quit those foods. It’s incredibly hard to change the way you live on a daily level. I used to eat nothing but fast food and drink nothing but pop(soda, whatever THIS ISNT THE POINT). But I felt like complete and utter shit because of it. I was dehydrated and malnourished and now I have digestion problems that i’m still currently trying to figure out what they are.

30 days ago I stopped eating fast food and 29 days ago I stopped drinking pop. I’ve felt better overall. Less sluggish, moving is easier, but I’m still not feeling 100%. I have a lot of heartburn problems, I can’t eat certain foods, or else I feel like my chest is literally on fire and I can’t sleep well sometimes because of it.

My whole life I’ve basically just eaten what was easy and what tastes good. Now at 26 I have to figure out what to do because my body hates what I’ve done to it. For as long as I can remember I’ve been ashamed of my body and weight, and it doesn’t help that all the extra weight makes me tired faster. My dad was diabetic, he died from kidney failure which was all due to him not taking care of himself.

I’ve tried many times to start treating my body better, but i’ve always felt it was impossible, that I could never do it because I’m an extremely picky eater and that there was never going to be anything healthy that I would like. All excuses to stop me from trying because I knew it would be so fucking hard.

It’s been a month. I’ve gone longer without fast food and pop before. My longest was 2 months. But tonight I made BBQ chicken tacos, and yesterday I made herb covered baked chicken and brown rice. I’m facing my fears of touching uncooked chicken, of not cooking chicken the right way?!!? of trying new fucking things. I’m doing this. And I will continue to do it. But I wanted to mark this down today, because these tacos are delicious, and all i had to do was put chicken in a slow cooker and forget about it for 5 hours while I did other things.

I’m proud of myself. And I just wanted to say that. For me. Or for anyone else struggling with eating. It’s hard, but we can do this. ♥

This dude again…

The first amendment of the Constitution states clearly, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.” Putting aside (for now) that CURRENTLY, Trump has attacked that right for many of our Mulsim citizens and those who are seeking refuge in our country, the constitution A L R E A D Y protects our freedom of religion. An executive order under the guise of “Religious Freedom” would be redundant, so why introduce it? Because it isn’t not about religious freedom, it’s about religious imposition. The executive order that is very likely going to be proposed and signed soon gives people and companies and the government the right to IMPOSE their religious beliefs on OTHER PEOPLE by allowing them, by law, to discriminate against them. Ignoring the fact that, almost all religions, at their basis, preach about loving and accepting and leaving the JUDGING up to God, discrimination, in ANY form, should never be legalized by the government. Just yesterday, the White House said they would continue to uphold the LGBTQ+ order that Obama put into place, but that was a manipulation. A way to say, “Hey, this NEW executive order isn’t anti-lgbtq+ because I kept this other one, remember!?” But this new executive order effectively nullifies Obama’s. That is the behavior of an abuser, to make you feel like they are on your side while actively trying to harm you, and not only that, but get other people to think you are overreacting or that you don’t know what is actually happening to your own self(gaslighting). It’s disgusting. Everything he has done since taking office (and much, much, earlier) is repugnant, at many times unconstitutional, and harmful to so many. But I know that many people will continue to fight back against him, and his administration (Bannon, Pence, et all). He’s not slowing down, because he wants us to be tired out. But if we give an inch, he’ll take our whole lives.

2017

We are 10 days into this year and it’s proving to be a strange, trying one. The incoming presidential administration committed treason before its even begun and we will very possibly be living under a Russian Dictator’s control very soon. It’s lovely. There is so much going on, and every day, as new, terrible things come out, I find myself wondering if anything will ever be done about it. How can a person be so unqualified for a job, have committed the highest of crimes against the entire country, and still be able to take the seat in such a high position of power? It makes no sense to me, and until something is done about it, I will continue to complain and make my voice heard in any way that I can. Some people say that complaining on the internet doesn’t help anyone, but its just not true. It gives a hope to those who think they are alone in their despair, to see that there are others out there who are just as distraught. Yes, we as people, should do more than complain on the internet, but there’s no harm in simultaneously complaining and acting. Calling representatives and requesting something be done about this situation, and then giving a call out into the ether to say, “GOT DAMN, THIS IS A REALLY UPSETTING TIME IN HISTORY.”  Continue reading 2017